I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
MIDGETS
????
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
