at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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