She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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