dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize