I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
