Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this hospital has no fireball
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize