Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
