beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
