moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
