i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
