I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize