Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
