i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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