So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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