it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
