She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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