Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
