I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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