I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
