I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
