You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
