I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
