Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
