my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
