I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
