you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
