this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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