well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
