Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
