Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
