First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
