They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
