My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
