im drinking this country out of the recession.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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