so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Say something about gay babies.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize