first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
