I'm gonna have a badass scar
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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