your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
