Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
