Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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