and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
