"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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