Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
