So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
