I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
