No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
