just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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