What a fucking waste of an outfit
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
