Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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