my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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