She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
