I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
