He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
