The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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