apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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