The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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