I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You were trust falling into bushes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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