The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
