The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
