Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
