gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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