Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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