a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
